Monday, July 7, 2008

Spring 1920

March 26, '20

I believe that never before have I so utterly failed in my efforts to make my pen follow my mind as has been the case so repeatedly for weeks and weeks past.

I mean, that I sit (or lie) thinking of you and carrying on an imaginary conversation in which I say what I want and ought to say to you, but you surely could not know much of what I am thinking by what I have written in the past few months. ...

I have been forced to send the camera to you without its case and strap. They have concluded at #97 that you or someone else has done away with it.

Now say; you said much of the details of your contract and so forth at the school, but you finished by not saying if I must send the fifty or not. What do you say? Are you to pay it?

The town has gotten rather dull to me by this time – absolutely nowhere to go and no one to call upon – some place!

... Your birthday greeting was very much appreciated. Leave it to you for the amenities. ...

I miss you so much and there’s nobody to take your place. Good night.

Forever yours,
Mr. H.


"No. 1"
We are ruined, bereft, disconsolate, lonely, deserted -- in the dumps. For our darlings are gone to their new home in "Summerbill" -- went yesterday, so that this joyous Eastertime must be for others who have their loved ones with them -- with one exception -- you. You must be happy. ...

I salute you -- I embrace you for I know I love you. Do you ever wish I were there to share your pleasures? I do.

Do you imagine I could love you any more if I made more effusive show than I have? I don't, for I turn over to you myself without reservation and if you are still of this disposition you will continue to do what you know I like, and imagine me at your side, or looking straight into your eyes whenever you ask yourself "what shall I do now?"

Forever yours,

New York City
April 6, 1920

My dear,
... There was a time when I could rapturously express my thoughts to you, but through your training, I have learned to hold such thoughts in check and simply say, "I thank you." While all the while my heart is bursting within my breast.

Happy? Away from all I love? I am busy, and the time goes quickly and I try to be content. But not happy! Only you can make me so. Only you can create within me the desire to be so.

I haven't dared dwell on the thot of seeing you soon. I say to myself, "I'll see him by Christmas." And so I plan swimming Monday nights. Tennis soon. I haven't even been to a show but once in nearly three months. ...

No one has said aught about the payment of the $50 at the Studio. But they have given diplomas to all students who have been there as long as I have and they have mine ready for me, which I shall get next week. So I suppose they are satisfied. If however they should ask for it I shall let you know immediately.

Am I to be taken into your confidence and be told when you expect to begin your tour and in which direction you will travel?

And will you go to see my mother before you leave and acquaint her of your plans? I think we owe her that. I thank you. Maybe you'll write me again. I dare not hope soon. ...

121 Calhoun St.
Charleston, S.C.
May 25, '20

My dear Lady,
Your prodigal returns with any amends your Ladyship may demand. I did not need your card to remind me that I had not written you for so long an interval but I was very glad to have it especially because it answered me that you had not irrevocably set yourself at loggerheads. ...

I have not yet gotten myself any equipment even yet, for I did not want to get things of value which I should have to throw away soon. Now we must get something. So I want to ask you what shall it be – in the kitchen?

I know you are angry with me else you would have written a letter long ago so I ask you now to slack up on your wrath and write me a letter setting forth your wishes that I might plan to carry them out.

You have had ample time to decide if you would entrust your heart and body to me. With my numerous shortcomings, my poverty and all else will you still have me? I am still offering all that I have to you – all my love and my poor self just as I am. I cannot promise more than this, so do not think of me in any other light than as you already know me for I am about as plain and ordinary as I claim to be and maybe worse – certainly no better. ...

I have been let off for a week to go to Atlanta if nothing holds me up by Friday, but I am used to disappointments by now. Up to the present you are about the only thing in which I have not been disappointed. Keep the record up – you will do the world a service thereby. ...

The Owls have a Spring dance tonight.

May I hear from you soon? With love,

Forever Yours,

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